Pretend to smile

She smiled at them once again. Just one more time. That’s all she needed to do. She had to make it through one more time.

She grinned at their company, laughed at their jokes, and made a few awkward ones herself. She pretended it wasn’t raining inside, that things still made sense. She told herself she’s happy, satisfied, and magical.

But somehow, it all always fell apart. There was a part that’s missing…always missing – like that jigsaw puzzle piece that, when in place, the whole picture came to life. Without it it just didn’t make sense.

She still told them fairytales. She still convinced them dragons and elves were real. She still hoped for something perfect. Even though her whole fairytale had fallen to pieces, they needn’t know. They wouldn’t understand.

How can she explain that the sound her heart makes is different? How can she explain that her smile has stopped glowing? How can she explain that her wounds were gaping blood instead of healing into scars? How can she explain that her dreams of special were violently shattered?

She smiled at everything they said but could hardly hear a word. They could never understand her like he did before. They could never build her up, bit by bit, like he’s done before. They loved her, vying for her attention, but she would give it all up for one more starry night with him.

She grasped desperately at the darkness within, trying to tear its very fabric. She attacked it like a maddened beast, hopelessly hoping that beneath it she’ll find her light – his light – again. Maybe once she grasps it everything will be fine once more, she’d be complete like before. She’d find happiness sparkling all around her once again. But the darkness persisted, like a suffocating dress wrapped around her draining her life slowly.

Just one more time, that’s all she needed to do. Her tears came flowing down her soul once more, while she continued to pretend to smile.


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